It doesn't take a genius to realise that when one is being bullied, not only will their sense of worth diminish greatly (as mentioned in my prior post Self-Esteem – Kryptonite to a bully) but they will also feel less confident and weaker in their abilities and who they are as people. For instance someone who was a top performer at their work starts to get picked on by envious co-workers. In the process their perceived ability of how well they perform at work will go down, i.e. ‘I didn’t deserve to really be employee of the month, I was just lucky I guess.’ Oftentimes this erroneous belief in their capability to perform at their work can actually affect the quality of their work, lowering their performance (this is known in psychological circles as a self-fulfilling prophecy)!
For some reason not really understandable by most sane folks, most bullies consciously or unconsciously seem to derive some sort of pleasure or satisfaction in making one of their targets feel weaker in themselves. Hence for those of you reading this who are being bullied, this would explain why you would probably be feeling less confident in yourself and your abilities.
Now if this is the case, I would like to reassure you now that you are not a weak person. In fact the chances are that you actually have a stronger character than the bully who is trying to make you feel small. If you doubt this, than let me give you a quick story to prove otherwise. For many months back when I was doing my first year of A levels, I was picked on by one particular bully who I refer to in my book ‘Beat The Bully’ as a student called Joe. Though we only shared one class together, he would make this class a living nightmare for me.
Fortunately but regretfully I sort of lost it, had enough and in the middle of the class, got off my seat, walked over to him and shall we say physically sorted him out (something I wouldn’t condone). Anyhow after this incident, he naturally backed off from me a bit, only saying the odd remark quietly to try and save face in front of his mates. Than unexpectedly, he just stopped coming to class and dropped the course. Now I can’t say for certain whether this was due to myself but when you put one and one together, including the small period of time between both incidences, it seems like there was a connection.
Furthermore I have also seen the same thing several other times in my life amongst other people where someone has been picked on by another yet they still show up each occasion for another hammering. Yet when they (the target) finally stands up and puts a stop to the bully, they very quickly cower away, often leaving the workplace or social group altogether. Now you tell me which one you think has the stronger character, the target who shows up each day, week, etc to receive another dose of bullying or the bully who on being humiliated, stopped, etc, runs off into pastures new.
So please do take comfort if you are being bullied that you are not less popular, more stupid, etc than the bully. This is what they want you to think. In fact if you could try and imagine it from a bully’s perspective, deep down they probably feel inferior to everyone else in situation. Hence like predators in the wild, they will try and hide their inferiority not by attacking the herd, etc in one swoop but picking out members of the herd one at a time, weakening them and then attacking them. Fortunately though I am not implying that your bully wants to eat you though! Simply that your perpetrator feels weak in themselves and as such, is trying to climb up the social hierarchy by bringing others down in the process.
As a group, the herd could easily tackle the predator hence like a bully, the
predator separates the herd one at a time.
I would like to conclude by saying however that I am not implying you should take compassion on the bully, forgive them and let them carry on bullying you. Many of us in society often feel weak deep down but would never dream of resorting to bullying to get ahead. Yet those who for some reason are emotionally stunted, etc, such logic might not apply.
If you are interested in bullying at the workplace, an interesting article that I have come across is
