I was reading an interesting article recently by Valerie Cade (author of Bully Free At Work) on ‘Recognizing Workplace Bullies.’ In this article, Cade starts by mentioning how according to experts on workplace relationships, it is indeed very challenging to spot a workplace bully in action. The reason for this is because rather than admit that we are being bullied, most of us normal folk will probably try make some excuses for the bully’s behaviour, such as ‘It was probably my fault’ or ‘She is probably just having a bad day.’
Speaking as someone who has been bullied in a working environment, I can completely sympathise with what Cade is saying. You see, I (and most people I assume) generally want to live a quiet life, one which does not contain too much stress. So on being the target of a bully, my (and most other people) reaction would be to excuse the bullying behaviour as anything but what it really is.
Yet even without this self-denial, spotting a workplace bully is also difficult due to the fact that most bullies don’t want the whole world to know that they are a bully; especially in the workplace where there is the chance that they could get fired for such behaviour. So naturally bullies (especially in the workplace) will tend to carry out subtle attacks on their target, else openly bully their target when believing that others around won’t turn against them.
So if you believe that you are being bullied at work by a co-worker, what can you do? Well the first thing that you can do is to stop deluding yourself from the possibility that you are being bullied for as personal development guru Dr Phil McGraw famously quotes ‘You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.’ Whilst I know that it may be painful to consider the fact that someone is intentionally bullying you but it the possibility needs to be accepted if you are going to bring about a change.
The next step to realising if you are being bullied by someone at work is to apply the two step questionnaire which I mentioned in the ‘Beat The Bully’ book. The first of the questions you need to ask yourself is
Do many of the interactions that I have with (name of colleague) leave me feeling somewhat intimidated, down or just negative?
Now on answering this question, don’t assume that I mean every single interaction between you and the bully leaves you feeling worse off, not even 50% of the interactions, but if there is a general pattern where every one in four or five interactions leaves you feeling as such, than the answer to this question would be yes.
In her article, Cade mentions some of the signs to look out when interacting with the person in mind you believe to be a bully. These signs include:
- Making you work longer hours than most
- Crude sexual comments aimed at you
- Doesn't give you any credit for the work you done
- Continually Criticized
Along with these signs and any other indicators of bullying, the second question to ask yourself is
‘Does the person in question do it to most other people in the office as well or just me and perhaps one or two others?’
If the answer to this question is no in that he treats everyone with some nastiness, it could just be that your bully in question is simply a bitter person or lacks in people skills, hence not really a bully (though at the same time, you don’t have to stand for such behaviour). Yet if the answer is yes, she seems to be picking on only you (and perhaps one or two others elsewhere) while treating everyone else at work differently, than you do have a workplace bully.Now that you are aware if you are being bullied (assuming that you are) than you can now decide whether to confront the bully (recommend doing this in a dignified manner for not losing your job), report the issue up to management or simply let it be, the choice is up to you!
