When writing ‘Beat The Bully: A Guide To Dealing With Adult Bullying’ I dedicated a chapter to the myths of adult bullying. Yet on getting the book off to the publishers, it occurred to me that there was yet another prevalent myth which I forgot to mention, that of Human Resources (HR). If you are being bullied at work (and the company is of a certain size) then you will probably seek out action by going to HR in regards to what you can legally do.
Yet is this always the best solution? Well in companies which are more open to the ideas of bullying and the harmful affect it can have on employee morale and business, than the answer is yes. Yet as you know, we live in a world far from ideal and as such, most HR departments don’t really have the interest of the employee who is being bullied at heart. Instead, what they hold closer to their hearts is the reputation of the company and senior managements desires. Now in most cases, those in senior management fortunately look at bullying as something which ought to be stamped out in an organisation. However, for certain organisations (in particular, very results driven organisations) senior management may even look upon bullying as a good thing, something which the organisation needs. Unfortunately many unenlightened people often mistake the aggression typically associated with a bully as drive and leadership, something the organisation needs.
Therefore what is the difference between a true leader and a bully? A good question and I believe that a true leader is one who inspires others to fulfil a mission, to be all that they can be while a bully is someone who does the opposite, breaks one down and uses aggression to make one feel small; nothing at all about vision or moving one forward in the direction of group goals.
Due to this lack of perception between bullying and drive & leadership, bullying is allowed to thrive in such company cultures whilst those who even consider blowing the whistle on a bully to HR will be branded weak by those higher up in the organisation and may even be made to be pushed out of the company. Not exactly an organisation that I in particular would desire to work within.
So if you are being bullied and unfortunate enough to work in an organisation where the cultural attitude is to support the bully, what are your options? Well you can report it but this in such an unenlightened culture; this isn’t going to put you in a positive light. You can confront the bully, try and bully him instead, something I wouldn’t recommend doing as you would end up both sabotaging your work efforts and look stupid. Likewise, ignoring the problem would teach the bully that it is okay to take their anger out on you, not a good outcome.
Instead I would do two things, firstly look for a job elsewhere. An organisation where bullying is accepted as the norm is an organisation where the nasty and cruel will thrive and the good and honest will fall to the bottom and out of the company! If decent like the most people, you will probably find it hard to succeed in such an organisation as the people from the top have written the rules so that you cannot succeed unless you become a skilled bully yourself.
Secondly while working at your company, realise that the bully in question (and the general company ethos) is pathetic and that while it is tough now, it won’t last forever. If you are sat near the bully in the office, ask to be moved to another part of the office, perhaps informing HR, etc that you’d like to move not because you are being bullied (which put you in position of weakness) but the person in question keeps stopping you from getting on with your work. Furthermore, you can probably get more work done if left alone. Saying something like this would hopefully get you moved without making you look weak in front of idiotic senior management.
A final note though, if by any means the bully in question is physically violent to you, than do not put up with it for one moment. Walk out and report the incident to the police, the courts, etc. No matter where you work, you have no reason to ever feel your personal safety is at risk!
